He is the lamb, she is the slaughter

why?

I thought about a burning fire. I thought about a loving fire.

I'm sure this isn't the first, nor will it be the last time I post this. It just was screaming to me to be posted again tonight.

BURN YOUR GODS TO THE GROUND

Your eyes bring me to me knees
YOUR EYES! YOUR EYES!
Asking more of me
I give my heart
Your lips drip with honey
I can't resist a taste
Your path leads to the grave
And I follow you
Your path leads to my death
And I follow you
Your path leads to the grave
And I follow you to my death

I'll follow you down
If you give what I desire

What makes a man a man?
Like a sheep lead to the slaughter
What makes a man a man?
Butchered without a word
What makes a man a man?
Father what have I done?
What makes a man a man?
I AM NOT A MAN

This is the last time I swear
DON'T BELIEVE MY LIES!

LORD, TAKE THIS LUST FROM ME!!!

Take this list from me!
Burn your gods to the ground
Take this lust from me!

You can think of me when you forget your seatbelt, and again when your head goes through the windshield

I'm ok with the fact that nobody reads this. In fact I'd prefer it that way. It is my experience that anytime you share your thoughts and feelings, especially in a public forum such as a blog, people tend to twist what you say and take it out of context. The only way to avoid this isto carefully wordsmith every sentence so that it can in no way be turned against you. But even then there are always the people who still try. Honestly, this wordsmithing approach is not worth the effort. Thus, I have concluded that an unviewed blog is in my best interest.

Only one question remains... Why did I bother to spell that all out if no one will see it?
Why even ask the above question?
Introspection is my speciality.

S.D.G.

Chruch Is Hardcore

I'm not sure what it is about church that does it, but I always find myself thinking about hardcore. I find inspiration in the hymns and songs we sing, as well as in the sermons and written word of God. Inversely, I can't go to a hardcore show without being profoundly impacted by the beauty and glory of our Creater.

One truth that I know, that gives me hope and assurence, is that God has designed me in such a way that hardcore is the means by which he speaks to my soul. He has given me the talents and abilities to use hardcore to glorify him, and to proclaim his grace and beauty to the world.

Soli Deo Gloria

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Seriously...

Wow. I'm going to leave it at "wow" because any other words that come to mind are not appropriate for anyone who may read this. Actually, I had to remind myself that anyone reads this. 

Anyway, I didn't say wow because I was impressed with something. The truth is the converse of impressed. I'm quite disappointed, frustrated, angry, and hurt, to be more accurate. 

Tonight I found out (through Facebook, of course!) that Kate is now "in a relationship." Yeah, it was a nice surprise. It's not like I didn't know this was coming. I mean just last night I walked in on them. And even before that I knew it was coming. 

What is bothering me about this isn't that she is dating someone. What is stuck up my butt at the moment is the complete bull *ahem* that she gave me, and that I believed. According to her, she broke up with me because she felt that it was GOD'S WILL. She explained how she didn't want to be in any relationship so that she would be able to follow God's will for her life by growing closer to him. I don't know what happened between her and God between then and now. However, I do know that it hasn't been very long at all. Maybe by some miraculous revelation she is somehow in direct communion with the Holy Spirit.  Like I said though, I don't know what's going on between her and God. From the way things appear I can say that it doesn't seem like she's following through with what she said to me, if it was even genuine to begin with. 

Dreamland

Two undeniable truths that I have recognized tonight:

1. I can't stand overly open/flirtatious girls.

2. Banana's, although they work well as the focal point of a cathartic experience, are not aerodynamic, nor were they meant to be thrown a great distance.

The Ocean Walker

Sometimes I wish that nobody knew about this so that I could say things without regard or restraint. Right now I have a lot on my mind (although at this point it's all a huge unorganized pile of thoughts, so I'm not working through them). I started to have a really good conversation with Shenanigans earlier tonight, but of course it was unfinished because of about a half dozen people interrupting. Hopefully we can resume this conversation at a later time. It's conversations like that that I crave. Deep, introspective, and mutually uplifting. Those conversations are too few for my taste.

Something I've been thinking about lately is about how I am usually written off as "that weird kid" or "that hardcore kid." I feel like there's so much more that people don't take the time to learn about me. Beneath my awkward exterior and my choice to be a straight edge hardcore kid I am a genuine and unique individual. I guess I'm frustrated by the lack of people in my life who invest in a relationship with me. I had one friendship in high school where we really dug deep into each other. The encouragement, support and understanding that went both ways in that relationship is something I long for. I miss having a relationship like that.

I am the Ocean Walker.

How many limbs do you need?

This is kind of odd. I'm on spring break right now and I don't want to be. I miss being at school. I hate that I'm working more this week than I have in the last two weeks. I need to sleep. I need to do that a lot. But for now watching Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist will suffice. I enjoy that movie. This is the end.

I Don't Get It

I don't understand you sometimes. I don't love you sometimes. I don't listen to you a lot of times. I think I'm better than you most times. I don't trust you sometimes. I am not my own. I don't know who I would be without you. You never change. I do. Forgive me, Father.

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Not Funny. BLOOD!

So this is is not funny... I've been passing
blood in my urine since November. No answers! Nothing! And now we're starting the whole run around on circles, and look for problems that we're already ruled out deal. I am ticked. Two nights ago I passed RED urine. This morning, as soon as I woke up, more red urine. I AM TICKED!

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