We were magnetic fields when we came together long ago

So, tonight I worked with Sera. I wasn't sure what to expect. It started out a little awkward, but it really wasn't bad at all. It was actually nice and normal...

I want to let you know that I'm alright. I also want to let you know that I'm not alright. Further explanation would probably be ideal. What I mean is that I can pretty much live my life and not really have any issues. But at the same time I just have moments where I break down. I was fine the entire day when I was working with Sera but randomly about 25 minutes into my drive home I started crying etc, etc. It literally came out of nowhere. This is just one instance. The thought of the closeness of our relationship not being there is one of the things that hurts the most. I'll see her at work, and probably around butler and I'll talk to her online some. There will never be the closeness, the emotional intimacy that was there before. My problem is that I was in love, and I still am but I can't be.

I'm going to be real with you. I'm not holding anything back. The last few days I've really been fighting and struggling with the temptation of pornography and lust. The immediate response to the emptiness I feel is to fill it. That is the easiest and quickest fix. I know that it won't fill me. That doesn't change that the Liar is trying to convince me that it will.

Prayer would be appreciated.
For her as well.

Thank you.

yeah..

Looks like you'll be the first to know, Brian. Since you're always the first (and only?) person who ever really reads this.

Sera and I are no longer Sera and I...

That's all I want to say right now.

Realization #47: I am a weenie

Tonight I talked to someone and gained a whole lot of respect for them. It's one of those things where I didn't realize something, although I knew it, until it was placed plainly in front of me.

I feel like a huge weenie in comparison. I thought it was rough having all 8am classes last semester. I often had trouble getting out of bed. It felt like all I ever did during the day was nap, and homework and nap some more. Even this semester with 9 and 9:30 classes I didn't have any problems until recently and now it's getting hard to even get up then. The person that I talked to faced so much more diversity than only having 8am classes and that makes me feel like a turd for thinking I had it hard. I see this person from a different perspective now and it gives me so much more respect for them.