So, tonight I worked with Sera. I wasn't sure what to expect. It started out a little awkward, but it really wasn't bad at all. It was actually nice and normal...
I want to let you know that I'm alright. I also want to let you know that I'm not alright. Further explanation would probably be ideal. What I mean is that I can pretty much live my life and not really have any issues. But at the same time I just have moments where I break down. I was fine the entire day when I was working with Sera but randomly about 25 minutes into my drive home I started crying etc, etc. It literally came out of nowhere. This is just one instance. The thought of the closeness of our relationship not being there is one of the things that hurts the most. I'll see her at work, and probably around butler and I'll talk to her online some. There will never be the closeness, the emotional intimacy that was there before. My problem is that I was in love, and I still am but I can't be.
I'm going to be real with you. I'm not holding anything back. The last few days I've really been fighting and struggling with the temptation of pornography and lust. The immediate response to the emptiness I feel is to fill it. That is the easiest and quickest fix. I know that it won't fill me. That doesn't change that the Liar is trying to convince me that it will.
Prayer would be appreciated.
For her as well.
Thank you.
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About Me
- Josh
- I'm Josh. I sing in a hardcore band, 300 Foxes. I love Jesus. Even though I don't do it all the time I still have a desire to honor Him in everything I do.
3 comments:
im glad to hear that its not awkward being around sera but im sry that u are have those random outbreaks and ill always be praying for u.
i know the feeling.
I'm glad that you two can be around each other without much awkwardness.
just hold in there. it gets better. it always does.
Thanks guys. You've both been a big encouragement to me.
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