Seriously...

Wow. I'm going to leave it at "wow" because any other words that come to mind are not appropriate for anyone who may read this. Actually, I had to remind myself that anyone reads this. 

Anyway, I didn't say wow because I was impressed with something. The truth is the converse of impressed. I'm quite disappointed, frustrated, angry, and hurt, to be more accurate. 

Tonight I found out (through Facebook, of course!) that Kate is now "in a relationship." Yeah, it was a nice surprise. It's not like I didn't know this was coming. I mean just last night I walked in on them. And even before that I knew it was coming. 

What is bothering me about this isn't that she is dating someone. What is stuck up my butt at the moment is the complete bull *ahem* that she gave me, and that I believed. According to her, she broke up with me because she felt that it was GOD'S WILL. She explained how she didn't want to be in any relationship so that she would be able to follow God's will for her life by growing closer to him. I don't know what happened between her and God between then and now. However, I do know that it hasn't been very long at all. Maybe by some miraculous revelation she is somehow in direct communion with the Holy Spirit.  Like I said though, I don't know what's going on between her and God. From the way things appear I can say that it doesn't seem like she's following through with what she said to me, if it was even genuine to begin with. 

Dreamland

Two undeniable truths that I have recognized tonight:

1. I can't stand overly open/flirtatious girls.

2. Banana's, although they work well as the focal point of a cathartic experience, are not aerodynamic, nor were they meant to be thrown a great distance.

The Ocean Walker

Sometimes I wish that nobody knew about this so that I could say things without regard or restraint. Right now I have a lot on my mind (although at this point it's all a huge unorganized pile of thoughts, so I'm not working through them). I started to have a really good conversation with Shenanigans earlier tonight, but of course it was unfinished because of about a half dozen people interrupting. Hopefully we can resume this conversation at a later time. It's conversations like that that I crave. Deep, introspective, and mutually uplifting. Those conversations are too few for my taste.

Something I've been thinking about lately is about how I am usually written off as "that weird kid" or "that hardcore kid." I feel like there's so much more that people don't take the time to learn about me. Beneath my awkward exterior and my choice to be a straight edge hardcore kid I am a genuine and unique individual. I guess I'm frustrated by the lack of people in my life who invest in a relationship with me. I had one friendship in high school where we really dug deep into each other. The encouragement, support and understanding that went both ways in that relationship is something I long for. I miss having a relationship like that.

I am the Ocean Walker.

How many limbs do you need?

This is kind of odd. I'm on spring break right now and I don't want to be. I miss being at school. I hate that I'm working more this week than I have in the last two weeks. I need to sleep. I need to do that a lot. But for now watching Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist will suffice. I enjoy that movie. This is the end.

I Don't Get It

I don't understand you sometimes. I don't love you sometimes. I don't listen to you a lot of times. I think I'm better than you most times. I don't trust you sometimes. I am not my own. I don't know who I would be without you. You never change. I do. Forgive me, Father.

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Not Funny. BLOOD!

So this is is not funny... I've been passing
blood in my urine since November. No answers! Nothing! And now we're starting the whole run around on circles, and look for problems that we're already ruled out deal. I am ticked. Two nights ago I passed RED urine. This morning, as soon as I woke up, more red urine. I AM TICKED!

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"I Will Stand And Fight. For Once I Will Be A Man."

I had a conversation with Kate not too long ago and that, along with some of my classes and a discipleship group I'm in, have really been concivting to me. The basic idea is that I need to remove distractions from my life that are keeping my focus on anything but God. Specifically in my relationship with Kate I need to be praying for her and us, as well as WITH her. Focusing our relationship on God and glorifying him through it are two things that are essential for our relationship to be lasting and meaningful. My desire is to
Completely surrender Kate and our relationship to God. Prayer for this is something I would appreciate greatly. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

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The Changing Of Times

It's been a while since I last updated. It has been a very busy few weeks for me. School, catching up with friends, etc. As far as what's new in my life there are two major things going on.
First, I've got myself a lady friend. Her name is Kate, but I call her Suzanne. Second, I'm in the process of starting a new band with Glenn (from Hand Drawn Mountains) and Adam, who lives across the hall from me. We are still looking for a few other guys, so nothing much has happened yet. But when it does happen it will be EPIC! that's a promise.

That's all for this installment folks.

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I Like This Girl

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When The Sun Sleeps

Quick update from my itouch. More to come soon.

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